Taking the {Leap}

Sooo its been a while since my last post, and I know that I promised I would be better about writing. So I’m back!!

These past months have been crazy, but amazing. I never thought I would do some of the things I did but I do not regret them at all. If you asked me a year ago if I would be living in Chicago, with random roommates, and pretty much being broke I would laugh in your face… but look at me now.

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My roommates are actually amazing, and I could not be more lucky. Taking a leap is a scary thing sometimes, but thats apart of life. Its good to put yourself in hard situations to learn and grow from them. Money is tight sometimes, and I may not have the nicest things in the world. However, I would not give up living in the city and all the amazing experiences I have had so far this summer.

More to come very soon.

 

xo,

nik.

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{updates}

Well then. It’s been a while, I’ve been working, working out, and living. I guess I haven’t really had much to write neither good or bad. It’s kind of weird when the good and bad things in life equal out so that you’re just sort of content. It also makes writing hard. It’s weird how I can’t even think of where to go for writing but I knew I just needed to start up again. 

More to come soon! 

{avoiding} it like the plague

A few weeks ago I pledged with myself not to get on the scale. Let me just tell you… It’s way harder than I would’ve thought. Okay so avoiding the scale in the bathroom was easier, but it’s when you realize how often you see scales! The gym, locker rooms, random places that I can’t even recall. I have however stuck to my promise of not weighing myself, and it feels great. 

I have been working out almost every day, but I no longer feel like I’m working for just a number. I feel healthier and happier, and have seen some progress of my own. By focusing on how I want to look rather than what some dumb instrument tells me I am has been a huge success in my results. Of course there are days I just want to hop on real quick to see, but I need to continue to strive for results and not a just a number. Hopefully, over time avoiding the scale will just not even cross my mind and I’ll never have a desire to step onto it unless told to do so. Wish me luck as I finish out my whole month (and maybe an additional month) scale free. I truly recommend doing this if you are one who may have become a little “obsessed” with the scale as well. It will be worth it I promise. 
xo,

nik. 

what is {love}

Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more (Hahah- okay I had to throw some haddaway in there). But what is love, or liking someone,  or any type of feeling that makes us vulnerable. I feel as if generations today fear any type of feeling for one another and I still can’t comprend why. Maybe it’s my positive outlook on life that makes me willing to take a chance on people, but it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified to get hurt. I guess I’m just willing to put myself out there for someone in hopes that everything works out for the best. The thing I don’t understand today is how others are so terrified of love. 

Love is something great, it can be exhilarating, it can be passionate, and it can be emotional. I think to many people see love as a commitment and fear the hurt that could come with it, instead of looking at all the amazing things that could come from being with someone. The fear of getting hurt comes in any situation of live, and honestly life is way to short not to tell the ones you care about how you feel about them. In light of the situations happening all over the world, I wish more people would take a chance to put theirselves out there for someone. You honesty never know what could happen in life- I’m not trying to be cynical but you just never know where life may take you. I wish more people would just brace the journey and follow their hearts. We spend so much time protecting our hearts that you end up missing out on so many wonderful people that could be in your life. It is important to protect yourself some so you still have love in the end- I know that something I lack a lot of. I just own a big heart that wants to love everyone that comes into my life- different levels of love, of course, for each one. But to still love. One of my favorite quotes of all time is “always love, hate will get you everytime.” I just hope we, as a generation, no longer see love as a fear but as an excitement. 

xo,

nik. 

just a {number}

I’ll admit, my relationship with the scale is a little unhealthy. It’s almost as if it calls my name every time I walk in the bathroom. I would weigh myself at least twice a day and freak out a little with any sudden change. But not anymore. I’m pledging with myself to go a month scale free. This is going to be quite difficult for me, but I’m up for the challenge. 

I need to know that the number on the scale does not define me. And it doesn’t define anyone, sure if you are over weight that’s a little different concern for health factors. But for a healthy weight that should not be something that consumes a person. Although, I know that there are so many factors that can change the number seeing a higher than wanted number is terrifying. This causes trying to lose weight is even more stressful because you are so focused on only one aspect of being healthy. I need to focus on how I look and feel about myself and not the number I see. This will (hopefully) lead to a healthier and happier life. And with that, my month long scale free journey has begun. Wish me luck. Remember: 

I AM MORE THAN JUST A NUMBER.
xo,

nik. 

looking {up}

Bad things happen in 3s, but good things happen in 4s. This summer has been a roller coaster for me, but things are finally beginning to fall into place. If anything it’s taught me that no matter how low you feel there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. This was extremely hard to believe when you feel this way, but you have to know that it WILL get better no matter how much you don’t believe it. Trust me I didn’t at times, but it does. 

I finally found a job, and things are just going well in my life. Looking back at this summer I didn’t know how I would make it through. Each day getting out of bed was a chore and the amount of tears I cried was unreal. I continued to push through, it wasn’t easy but it was the only option.  You just need to remember each day is a new day. And one more day closer to reaching happiness. I know I’ve mentioned before how lucky I am to have the people I do in my life. But I truly mean that, I don’t know how how would have gotten through without the support of all my loved ones. I know I’m only on a portion of my journey, but so far I couldn’t be more happier with life. *Words I haven’t said in months. 

Just remember the wise words of Albus Dumbledore “happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” 

xo,
nik. 

just {living}

Sorry I haven’t wrote in a while, it’s mostly because there hasn’t been much to be said. Life is sort of just moving along but you’re just standing there watching it pass. Neither going with the flow or against it, just a tiny pebble in this place we call life. 

fake a {smile} 

It’s World Suicide Prevention Week and I want to share personally about mental health. 

Depression- something no one ever wants to talk about. It can fully consume even the once happiest of people. Each day is just another day of surviving not living, to make it through the day when you feel lower than low. That getting out of bed some days is unthinkable, and to force yourself too is such a mundane task to do.   To many they don’t understand how someone can feel this way, and just think it’s something you can “get over” or to just “cheer up”. However,  it’s so much more than that. The thing with depression is it can happen to anyone-any race, gender, age, religion, no matter the difference we’re all dealing with the same feelings. Regardless of the situation it all feels the same. That’s the biggest issue with it, the media has portrayed it to be something only “weird” or “emo” or “loners” deal with. (honestly when we think of depression we think of people who shop at hot topic and wear all black-I know I have) It gets such a negative rep that people don’t speak out or get the help they need because of it- AND THIS IS NOT OKAY. If you saw me walking down the street I would probably be the last person you’d think to be dealing with depression. I am and I am not ashamed of it.  Sometimes the happiest of people are dealing with a world wind of issues in their own lives, it’s why too many people are taken too soon because no one sees through their fake smile. 

It’s so easy to fake a smile, and honestly sometimes it feels that it’s the only thing you can do. The world has made it so easy to just cover up your issues instead of facing them head on. That of you don’t cover them up you should be ashamed-which you should never ever feel. I have a great group of friends and family that saw through my fake smile and have helped me along my journey. I can’t thank them enough for being there for me even when things get difficult at times. Without the support of others I don’t know where I would be, it is okay to ask for help. I know I needed something more and couldn’t do it alone any longer. I do not let depression define me, it is apart of me and I move forward each day to overcome the obstacles that are ahead. 

I want to tell anyone reading this that you are not alone. I may be a complete stranger to you but I am here for you. We are in this together. 

xo,

nik. 

– I want to add this number to the end of my post to know there is ALWAYS someone there for you to talk: 1-800-273-TALK 

searching for {employment}

let me tell you… finding a job is the worst. The endless applications, cover letters, and updating your resume to only be rejected time after time again. Every company wants at least 3-5 years experience, but how are you supposed to get experience if no one hires entry level positions! It’s an endless cycle that is just pure torture to recent grads. How can someone who graduated cum laude, president of an organization, and other involvement struggle so much to find a career (I say career because finding any job is simple, shoot I could be working at McDonalds as a job if I wanted). I always heard people talk about how hard it is to find a job after college, but I never thought that I would because of the success I had in college. The success I once felt that I had in college honestly doesn’t even feel like enough anymore, I begin to look back and regret not getting more involved. Adding more activities to my resume, or internships, or leadership experiences. I know I can’t change my college experience, but its hard when you think you’re setting yourself up for a bright future and you can’t even get an interview. I feel that now a days to get interviews you honestly have to be president of at least 3 organizations, 4.o GPA, volunteer for the elderly, and sell them your kidney…. (haha okay kidding)  I know I’m not alone in this unemployment boat,  but regardless it sucks. Everyday that passes by just seems like another failed day at finding something amazing. I know that the perfect opportunity will come when its meant too, until then just got to keep chugging away at the applications.

xo,

nik.

friend{shit}

This summer I really have done an analysis of whom my true friends are and aren’t. This may have been one of the most insightful things I’ve done in a while. There has been a significant amount of effort I have been putting into friendships that meant nothing. This has been one of the hardest things for me to do because I truly love all my friends and I care so much about them, I know more than I should at times. When you are at the lowest point of your life you begin to realize whose there for you and who isn’t, with that being said. I want to say goodbye to all the friends that I thought were good friends. GOODBYE. I need to finally cut the ties with people who add nothing to my quality of life. It gets exhausting to always be thinking of thoughtful gifts or surprises to send friends to get not even a thank you in return. I don’t need people in my life who aren’t going to be there for me when the going gets tough. For all my friends that have been with me through thick and thin I want to thank you. I want to sincerely thank you for always:

  1. Always being there no matter how difficult I can be to deal with
  2. Always making me realize how much life there is still to live
  3. Always answering the late night phone calls and texts when I can’t sleep at night
  4. Always offering your shoulder that has bared one to many tears
  5. Always letting me be broken- but still lift me up when I need it most
  6. Always doing thoughtful gestures (they don’t go unnoticed)
  7. Always helping me face my problems with you by my side
  8. Always taking time out of your busy lives to always be there for me
  9. Always being my lights to guide my path when I feel lost
  10. Finally, always believing in me

A simple thank you doesn’t even do it justice how truly thankful I am for having the people who are in my life by my side. I know it may not seem like it at times but I value our friendships more than you could even imagine and I would be lost without each and every one of them. Thanks for always being the best of the best even when the going gets tough. Love you all. As for those who aren’t- goodbye. I am no longer going to work for something that has nothing in return, a one side friendship is a no sided friendship to me.

Life is too short to have shitty friends.

xo,

nik.