fake a {smile} 

It’s World Suicide Prevention Week and I want to share personally about mental health. 

Depression- something no one ever wants to talk about. It can fully consume even the once happiest of people. Each day is just another day of surviving not living, to make it through the day when you feel lower than low. That getting out of bed some days is unthinkable, and to force yourself too is such a mundane task to do.   To many they don’t understand how someone can feel this way, and just think it’s something you can “get over” or to just “cheer up”. However,  it’s so much more than that. The thing with depression is it can happen to anyone-any race, gender, age, religion, no matter the difference we’re all dealing with the same feelings. Regardless of the situation it all feels the same. That’s the biggest issue with it, the media has portrayed it to be something only “weird” or “emo” or “loners” deal with. (honestly when we think of depression we think of people who shop at hot topic and wear all black-I know I have) It gets such a negative rep that people don’t speak out or get the help they need because of it- AND THIS IS NOT OKAY. If you saw me walking down the street I would probably be the last person you’d think to be dealing with depression. I am and I am not ashamed of it.  Sometimes the happiest of people are dealing with a world wind of issues in their own lives, it’s why too many people are taken too soon because no one sees through their fake smile. 

It’s so easy to fake a smile, and honestly sometimes it feels that it’s the only thing you can do. The world has made it so easy to just cover up your issues instead of facing them head on. That of you don’t cover them up you should be ashamed-which you should never ever feel. I have a great group of friends and family that saw through my fake smile and have helped me along my journey. I can’t thank them enough for being there for me even when things get difficult at times. Without the support of others I don’t know where I would be, it is okay to ask for help. I know I needed something more and couldn’t do it alone any longer. I do not let depression define me, it is apart of me and I move forward each day to overcome the obstacles that are ahead. 

I want to tell anyone reading this that you are not alone. I may be a complete stranger to you but I am here for you. We are in this together. 

xo,

nik. 

– I want to add this number to the end of my post to know there is ALWAYS someone there for you to talk: 1-800-273-TALK 

searching for {employment}

let me tell you… finding a job is the worst. The endless applications, cover letters, and updating your resume to only be rejected time after time again. Every company wants at least 3-5 years experience, but how are you supposed to get experience if no one hires entry level positions! It’s an endless cycle that is just pure torture to recent grads. How can someone who graduated cum laude, president of an organization, and other involvement struggle so much to find a career (I say career because finding any job is simple, shoot I could be working at McDonalds as a job if I wanted). I always heard people talk about how hard it is to find a job after college, but I never thought that I would because of the success I had in college. The success I once felt that I had in college honestly doesn’t even feel like enough anymore, I begin to look back and regret not getting more involved. Adding more activities to my resume, or internships, or leadership experiences. I know I can’t change my college experience, but its hard when you think you’re setting yourself up for a bright future and you can’t even get an interview. I feel that now a days to get interviews you honestly have to be president of at least 3 organizations, 4.o GPA, volunteer for the elderly, and sell them your kidney…. (haha okay kidding)  I know I’m not alone in this unemployment boat,  but regardless it sucks. Everyday that passes by just seems like another failed day at finding something amazing. I know that the perfect opportunity will come when its meant too, until then just got to keep chugging away at the applications.

xo,

nik.

friend{shit}

This summer I really have done an analysis of whom my true friends are and aren’t. This may have been one of the most insightful things I’ve done in a while. There has been a significant amount of effort I have been putting into friendships that meant nothing. This has been one of the hardest things for me to do because I truly love all my friends and I care so much about them, I know more than I should at times. When you are at the lowest point of your life you begin to realize whose there for you and who isn’t, with that being said. I want to say goodbye to all the friends that I thought were good friends. GOODBYE. I need to finally cut the ties with people who add nothing to my quality of life. It gets exhausting to always be thinking of thoughtful gifts or surprises to send friends to get not even a thank you in return. I don’t need people in my life who aren’t going to be there for me when the going gets tough. For all my friends that have been with me through thick and thin I want to thank you. I want to sincerely thank you for always:

  1. Always being there no matter how difficult I can be to deal with
  2. Always making me realize how much life there is still to live
  3. Always answering the late night phone calls and texts when I can’t sleep at night
  4. Always offering your shoulder that has bared one to many tears
  5. Always letting me be broken- but still lift me up when I need it most
  6. Always doing thoughtful gestures (they don’t go unnoticed)
  7. Always helping me face my problems with you by my side
  8. Always taking time out of your busy lives to always be there for me
  9. Always being my lights to guide my path when I feel lost
  10. Finally, always believing in me

A simple thank you doesn’t even do it justice how truly thankful I am for having the people who are in my life by my side. I know it may not seem like it at times but I value our friendships more than you could even imagine and I would be lost without each and every one of them. Thanks for always being the best of the best even when the going gets tough. Love you all. As for those who aren’t- goodbye. I am no longer going to work for something that has nothing in return, a one side friendship is a no sided friendship to me.

Life is too short to have shitty friends.

xo,

nik.