late night {feels}

Late night thinking may be the worst thing in the whole entire world. Half the world is sleeping and you just lay there in bed thinking. And thinking. And thinking. Replaying certain situations over and over again in your head to only find out there’s so way to change them. To think of the happiest of times to the darkest of times– and just lay there imagining how maybe something can change if you try hard enough. To only find out they won’t. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have so many emotions all the time. I know it’s who I am as a person, and what draws certain people to like me. But sometimes I stop for a minute and wish I could just not feel half the things I’m feeling. How easier life would be if I could do so, how happier I would be as well. Thinking one thing and doing the other is obviously the issue with this though. I can pretend I’m going to not over think things or not let my emotions get to me, but I know it’s a lie. Why is it that when you’re in your twenties your whole body is filled with so many emotions you don’t even know what to do with? You’d think that by this age you’d get that shit figured out and have a better control of them– false. Then there are people who have little emotions and how much I wish I could have that. To just not let your emotions dictate you, but I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. 

xo,

nik

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