Okay so I’m going to talk about something I absolutely hate talking about– body image. I’ll admit that I have awful self-esteem and reflection of ones self. I’ve dealt with weight issues in the past, and I know that could be a reason why I feel this way. But I know people look at me and wish they could me, but then I look at others and wish I could be them. It’s a never ending cycle of wishing you were different. I know I’m not fat (anymore), and I am in a healthy weight limit but every time I look in the mirror I see ALL my flaws. I see the extra cushion in areas that I wish didn’t, and constantly feel insecure. Any outfit I wear I constantly think do I look fat in this. It’s a constant battle with your own eyes to perceive yourself as others would to only know you are your own worse self critic. I know it’s unhealthy to think this way but it’s just what I do.
I know the media is to blame for majority of it, telling us to look a certain way or have a certain desired look. The hardest part is that I know more than half the photos in the media are edited and no one could actually look like that but it doesn’t make it any easier to shake those thoughts. To always compare yourself to others is a sickening cycle that I need to get out of. It’s also extremely easy to say fuck it I am happy with who I am and love my body. To join the campaigns to love thy self and no more body shaming– to only know that’s a complete lie deep down inside. I hope one day that I look in the mirror and never have to feel this way. And that when I have a daughter of my own these thoughts never even cross her mind. That she can live in a world that she can be whomever she wants to be and have no negatively surrounding her looks. Until then I will continue to try to remain positive about myself no matter how hard the battle is to do so.